A comedy of incredible proportions.

My Giant is a wonderful piece of comedy entertainment staring the hilarious Billy Crystal, with the title role played by acting legend and NBA star Gheorghe Muresan. This of course is what the producers would like you to believe, when in fact the film is an unmitigated and unrelenting barrel of rotting tripe. Blockbuster classifies this DVD in the categories Comedic and Comedy. I find this funny (pardon my pun) as the movie contains only one (yes one, as in single, less than two, slightly more than zero) funny moment. Strangely enough this has nothing at all to do with the big guy-little guy thing that is the mainstay of the entire rest of the plot, but involves a foul-mouthed rabbi who sadly we never see again.

Billy Crystal portrays a terribly unlikable movie agent. He has only one client, a jumped up newspaper boy who as landed himself a role in a B movie being shot in Romania. Romania – now what a funny place to pick – I wonder why… Crystal’s character sees this not only as his ticket to Hollywood, but also the way back into his separated wife’s heart. However, all is not as it should be as no sooner than he arrives on location, he finds himself fired by his sole source of income. He drives away from the shoot in a terrible temper and ‘nearly’ kills himself in a car crash. As luck would have it he is rescued by God. Or at least that is how it seems to him. When he awakes to find himself in a monastery he begins to think that his worst fears are confirmed. This must surely be Heaven. Unfortunately for us, the viewer, it isn’t. Nor is he dead and we are forced to watch the rest of the movie. From here it goes downhill. Bear in mind we started at sea level, so hold your breath.

It turns out he was rescued not by God, but by a huge giant of a man (Muresan). At over seven feet tall, Muresan towers over Crystal. This looks quite funny, much in the way Schwarzenegger and Devito looked funny in twins. Unfortunately this isn’t anything like funny enough to make a movie about. There are plenty of moderate smile moments. Muresan in a small car, Muresan in a short bed, Muresan in another small car – you get the idea. One crucial point, whilst Muresan might well be able to bounce a ball with world class skill, he would fail remedial English. (Much like I keep failing remedial grammar). He is at times almost completely unintelligible. His voice is remarkably like reminiscent of André the Giant in The Princess Bride (fabulous, brilliant film (no guns though)) but where André was endearing, Muresan is frustrating. I would guess this is why he is ‘discovered’ in Romania, it gives him an excuse for speaking English so badly.

Crystal decides that he can make Muresan a star – Muresan is willing (with grave reservations) to go along with this because Crystal promises to get him to Mexico where his long lost love of over 20 years is now living. So, off to America they go.

The film becomes more sentimental and sad than funny at this point and great play is made of the fact that very very tall people have plenty of problem of their own. Anyone different is regarded by society as a freak and Crystals’ protégé is no exception. I find this faintly disturbing, as, by watching this movie, we ourselves are becoming customers of this particular freak show. I would not have been surprised to find that Barnum himself was the producer of this movie. Muresan makes a very pleasant an amiable actor, but we are watching him because he is tall, not because he is good.

There is a brief appearance by Steven Seagal towards the end of the movie which shows that he is not only good at punching, kicking, shooting and blowing up, but that he can also play himself. Not always an easy task. Top marks to Mr S. Everyone else go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Hollywood. Do not collect twenty million pounds.

This DVD should be buried at the bottom of your pile. Preferably your pile of 70’s CD’s. Preferably scratched. Better still, cover it in syrup and see if it will still play. This will be a whole lot funnier than the movie.